My oldest child will soon be twenty years old. HOW did that happen? I mean, I know how it happens, but honestly -- how does time go that quickly?
That makes me an “experienced mother”. If by that you mean I have had experiences, then by definition that is true. If you think that makes me an expert - please stop reading this now because I am in no way a parenting expert! If anything - what I am about to tell you would be more along the lines of “Captain Obvious” bits of wisdom.
Here are fifteen things that after twenty years of experience I would tell myself as I gaze into my first child’s newborn eyes.
THAT BABY EXITED YOUR BODY, BUT HE TOOK YOUR HEART WITH HIM. (or her) Your love for this child is unexplainable. Whether you gave physical birth, or struggled with adoption - the love you have for your child is intense. Your body will show the physical signs of pregnancy wear and tear - a few pounds here, some stretch marks, maybe some stitches - but, there is no physical evidence to show that your heart will leave your body and yet you will continue to breathe. (and it happens anew for each child - what a miracle!)
THE NATURAL ART OF BREASTFEEDING WILL ALTER YOUR BREASTS FOREVER. No one tells you (or your husband) how this will impact you going forward. Regardless of your decision to breastfeed or not - the once young, bouncy, perky .... become very utilitarian. Enough said.
VAGINAL VS. C-SECTION and BREAST VS. BOTTLE ?? Guess what, mom. I have a newsflash: The baby will come out - and the baby will eat. How it happens isn’t worth losing sleep over. Do what works best for you, and be ok with your decision. You can find other things to lose sleep over.
YOU DON’T NEED AS MUCH SLEEP AS YOU THOUGHT. For the next few years your sleep patterns will be interrupted. You may reach a day that you will pay ANY amount of money for even six short hours of uninterrupted sleep. It will pass. Sleep will come again. Until then, take naps.
THE COST OF DIAPERS AND FORMULA IS THE SMALL EXPENSE. All that money spent on diapers (and formula - if you use the bottle)? You can stop worrying about how much it is costing- there are going to be much larger bills coming in the future. (think braces, high school activities, insurance for teen drivers, prom, and college tuition!)
NO MATTER HOW MANY PARENTING BOOKS YOU READ - YOUR CHILD HAS NOT READ THEM. I love books. I love to read and learn. But, no matter what the books have to say - your child has not read them, and thus has no idea what they are “supposed” to do according to any author. It’s great to read the books, but remember that anyone can put words on paper - that does not make them an expert. (ahem)
READ. A LOT. I don’t mean the parenting books. I’m talking about children’s books. Read with your child. Read beside your child. Read TO you child. Turn the screens off. Technology is so fast changing that there is no point in thinking that you give your child an advantage for being “current” with whatever new gadget there is out there. Reading will be the best skill they can ever develop, and screen time delays reading skills. (The occasional screen “babysitter” for mom’s sanity is a different story - just make it the exception, not the rule.)
YOUR CHILD’S GOOD BEHAVIOR or THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PARENTING SKILLS. How you handle either of those behaviors from the child is what others will judge you by. Your child has something called “free will” - they come with it already installed. So, now matter how many times your provide positive reinforcement - or negative consequences - there is no guarantee that your child will say/do/perform as you tell them to. Don’t hang your hat on your child’s actions - be in control of yours. This one is tough - ‘cuz we want to bask in the glory of our child’s accomplishments. We want to die of embarrassment when our child makes a bad choice. Guess what - both of those are our child’s to own - not ours. All we can do is provide the appropriate reactions from ourselves in either circumstance.
DON’T GET SO FOCUSED ON THE SAPLING THAT YOU MISS THE BEAUTY OF THE FOREST. They will grow up. Our job is to create adults who are moral and contributing members of society. The potty training will happen. They will stop biting others. They will stop sucking their thumb. Their language skills will develop. Relax.
WORRYING OVER EVERY MILESTONE IS POINTLESS. There will always be a neighbor kid who grows faster, walks sooner, reads better, gets better grades, .... whatever. Your child needs to know that you are proud of them for who they are. Save your worry for when they start to drive!
THE HOURS and DAYS WILL DRAG BY SLOWLY, BUT THE YEARS WILL SPEED BY IN A BLINK. Those days of endless wiping of every body orifice will pass. It may seem like it will last forever, but it doesn’t. And, before you know it - you will be remembering those days fondly.
LAUGH. A LOT. It helps. Trust me! Don’t take yourself so seriously that you forget to enjoy your child. Laugh with your child - do fun things together.
BE MEAN. Don’t go all “squishy” on your kid. Mean it when you say it. Don’t make idle threats about how many chances they get, or how far you will count, or what the consequence will be. It may not make you popular, but popularity isn’t what you are after - you want respect. No one respects a person who doesn’t mean it when they say it.
WHATEVER WE DO NOT FORGIVE WE CARRY ON. Let. It. Go. When someone does something that offends you - forgive them. Your child will say/do things that will hurt you. Others will criticize your parenting technique - or your child. Put the “mama bear” back in the cave, and continue living. You won’t have time or energy to keep track of everyone who has offended you. Let your child see that forgiveness frees you from a very heavy burden.
KEEP TRACK OF IT, OR YOU WILL LOSE IT. I’m not talking about all the “stuff” or the schedules... I’m talking about YOU. Remember who YOU are as a woman, a wife, a friend. Take care of you and continue to have interests/hobbies/friendships outside of your child’s realm of influence. When the child leaves, you need to know that you still have a life of your own.
There you go. Fifteen pearls of “Captain Obvious” wisdom from an Experienced Mom. Or, at least a mom with experiences.
No comments:
Post a Comment