Christmas is on its way. The frenzy has begun. This year I'm doing battle within myself with a mix of emotions. Let me fill you in…
Growing up I LOVED Christmas. Everything about it. L.O.V.E.D. it! My birthday is also in December, so for me it was like one huge party. The twinkling lights and sparkle of the tree remains a favorite of mine to this day. The church traditions, the music, the gifts, the food, the joy - all those things that children love. I was no different - I could not wait for December and Christmas to roll around.
About the time I was in fifth grade there was a change about Christmas in my home. I am the youngest of three kids. By quite a bit - 14 and 15 years in fact. (please spare me the "surprise" jokes) By my birth order I got to enjoy the benefits of being not only the baby of the family, but in many ways the oldest and the only. My sister and brother were off to college, and then married with kids before I was even through middle school. That caused a change in how Christmas was "done".
The tradition of buying a present for everyone was changed to a "grab bag" gift also known as the "dirty santa". This works great for adults - but, for a kid in elementary school telling your friends that what you got for Christmas was a set of picture frames, or some "nerd" glasses with headlights on the side really can be a blow to your bragging rights. Kind of depressing, actually.
I enjoyed the family being all together - and there was lots of joy with the nieces and nephews, but the gift thing really lost its luster for me. I remember one year that what my mother put into the "grab bag" was the matching top for the velour sweat pant set that I had asked for for my birthday. (it didn't end up with me) Another year, I purchased a cassette tape that I wanted for myself and put that into the grab bag - then had to take all sorts of grief from my family for buying something no one else would want. Yeah, we were all a jolly bunch! My siblings assumed that our parents were still doing a Christmas with me at home, but my folks didn't want to buy for me and not the other two. Things were not communicated clearly, I guess. The gift exchange eventually came to a complete halt - no more gifts at all.
My husband and I started dating in high school. His family does Christmas big. B.I.G. I had never seen anything like it. The first year that he invited me to his Grandma Doris' house for Christmas I couldn't believe it. This woman loved Christmas so much that she literally redecorated her entire home. EVERY item that was normally out, was carefully put away and a Christmas item was set in its place. EVERYTHING. Right down to the toilet paper. It was amazing - like nothing I had ever before experienced. And, the woman made all sorts of cookies and candy, too. PLUS - the gifts. There were packages big and small. So many, in fact, that the tree was only visible at the very top - the gifts were piled so high that they blocked the tree! (and it was a big tree!) Grandma Doris LOVED Christmas, especially the giving to others. It was actually overwhelming for me, but I caught it in stride and learned to love all the insanity.
Fast forward to me being married with children of my own now. My hubby and I decided early on that WE were going to be the ones that brought the cool stuff - and Santa would be the one that brought the smaller gifts. We also had decided that we were not going to make a huge deal out of Santa. We didn't stand in line to go see him, and we didn't hype up writing him a letter. Our kids were told that all the men in red suits were Santa's helpers there to help cover all the ground. We didn't take away the mystery of Santa, but we didn't feed the lie either. We let them know that Santa is part of the love of Christmas that you have in your heart. Then on Christmas morning, there was always a pretty sack - with some sort of picture of Santa on it - filled with goodies from him for each of the kids. Things like socks, underwear, toothbrushes, lip balm, the more boring stuff. Usually some fun trinket, but nothing huge. The kids were all in about third or fourth grade when they caught on to the whole reality of Santa. We still continue the tradition of the Santa sack, though.
When our kids were old enough to know more of what was going on we started limiting their gifts from us to one package. There may be several small things wrapped together as one, but it was only one package under the tree with their name on it. That has been one of the best Christmas decisions we have made as a mom and dad - because now that they are teenagers, the things that they ask for are mighty expensive! And, they know there will only be one.
One gift, and may the list making begin! Trying to match up what mom and dad will approve alongside with the budget and what the child wants can be frustrating. One of my daughters is convinced that the best jeans for her are from a certain name brand store. The jeans are insanely expensive. (she bought the pair she has with her own money when they were on the clearance rack) But, more so than the cost is the fact that I don't want to fund the type of advertising that this store sends out. It saddens me that they market their products the way that they do, and it goes against my morals and values to contribute to that. This has been a cause of much discussion and tears with the daughter. We have to come to some sort of agreement. I want her to be willing to shop elsewhere, to see that there are other acceptable options. And so it goes with other items on the lists as well. Negotiate, negotiate - find a middle ground. I can't force them to want what I want, but I still need to guide them - I am the adult.
So, now here I am battling my ghosts. My past, my present, and my future gift-experiencing ghosts. How much do we give our kids this year? I don't want to send my kids back to school with nothing to brag about to their friends. I lived through that, and it isn't any fun. But, we are blessed with having enough. My kids have enough. I have enough. I don't want to continue to buy more stuff we don't need to impress people that we don't really care about. I want to focus more on the blessings we have as a family. I want my kids to learn the joy of giving to others. More so than just the donations to the Angel Trees, or the bell ringers - but, that the true joy comes from giving of yourself.
Where will this all end? What should I do? Honestly? It will end up in the lap of my linear thinking husband who can take all the emotion out of the decision and come to a conclusion that makes perfect sense and makes everyone happy. He is my best gift - ever. In fact, just putting this down into words lightens my load. I'm feeling like the ghosts are fleeing, and a sense of holiday cheer is taking over. Christmas is going to be merry and bright!
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