Ever feel that way? We're taught from our earliest memories that we are supposed to love other people. We are to care for them, about them, and with them.
As we age we find out that there are people in this world that are not easy to love. In fact, some are downright difficult to love even a little. The people who are mean to you, or to those you love. The people who are offensive and rude. And, the people who are so stupid that they don't even know which end of the horse to feed. All examples of people who can be difficult to love for different reasons. But, somehow we manage to love 'em. Or, we at least try to.
We have a whole "circle of love" in our lives. We fall in love with that special person, and after love comes marriage, and with any luck then follows that baby carriage. We fall so in love with our children it takes love to a whole new dimension. A love we had never experienced. A lay-your-life-down-without-a-thought kind of love. The kind of love that can bring out the "mama bear" in a person that she may not have even known existed should the child ever be in harms way. The parent loves the child, and the child loves the parent.
Then those bundles of joy turn into walking-talking-hormone-producing quasi adults that have developed thoughts and opinions of their own. And, they want to express them. To you. Which may cause you to not like them very much. Oh, don't be confused - you still love them. You just don't LIKE them for the moment.
My day earlier this week is a wonderful example. The day had been going smoothly. My hubby and I were gathering the needed documents to meet with our tax guy. We had gotten everything found, organized, and even had the meeting. All had gone well. I was busily fixing supper when the arrival happens. In the door comes my child. By appearances her mood seems to be pleasant - and is confirmed with a quick response of "it was good" to my inquiry of how the day had gone for her. She is all smiles.
Then, I ask a question that requires a bit of effort and participation on the child's part. Something will be required of her. My unruly request? I asked her to check her phone to see if she had the number of someone that her sister needed to contact. Her next move is to point out to me how if her sister wants to contact that person, then she should do it -- that SHE wasn't going to do it for her. THAT was her sister's responsibility. I responded with a sharp look, and a pointed explanation that her sister would be contacting this person as soon as she had the number required to do so. Thankyouverymuchandwatchyourattitudewithyourmother!
My husband was standing in the same room, and also called to my daughter's attention that her tone was unwelcome, and that she should check herself for attitude. She apologized and left the room with a flounce.
I was instantly irritated and almost went into a tailspin of a foul mood. I'm happy to report that I was able to redirect my emotions, and came out not being angry. But, at that moment I didn't like my child. Not much at all. I think it is ok to admit it, too. Let's keep it real, people.
The moms who ooze all over anyone who will listen about how much they love their children and can't stand to be away from them for even a moment make me uneasy. Can that be real? Or healthy for that matter? - Give the kid some space! Give yourself a break!
I think our society puts a whole lot of pressure on us moms to be super-human. We somehow bought into the twisted notion that the more effort and time we put into our children equals a direct correlation to how much we love them. And, the more we love our child (and talk about it, demonstrate it, and brag about it) the better we are than any other mom. Us moms have been fooled into thinking that the BEST moms are the ones who spend every breathing moment fawning over their child. We are afraid to let them be alone for any length of time, and then use it as bragging rights when we talk about how exhausted we are because of the time spent running after and entertaining our children. NEVER are we given permission to be upset with them, or to admit that they do things that make us not like them for the moment.
I'm giving us all permission. It's ok to admit that there are moments in time that no matter how much we love our children - sometimes we don't like them very much. We don't like their choices or their attitudes, or their behaviors. I think it helps a child learn how to cope with life to see that humans can love each other, even through moments of not liking one another. It is good for them to learn that some actions have consequences that may impact them in a negative manner. When you say hurtful things to others, they don't like you. When you think of only yourself, and act selfishly, people don't like you. You aren't expected to be a people pleaser, but you are expected to take the feelings of others into consideration before you act.
The best part of parenting is that each new day (heavens - each new moment) brings a chance for a "do-over" for both the child and the parent. God provides us with multiple learning opportunities for how to love each other. With all the new chances we get, the odds are ever in our favor that those moments of not liking them will be much lower. I am sure that the teenage years skew the average, but I have been assured that it will get better. After all, my kids have to love me, too.
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