Let's Brag About FAILURE!

Maybe it is time to think about failure.  How's that for a New Year's Resolution? 

An article I found recently entitled "Bragging Nation" written by David Wright talks about how we as a nation have gotten ourselves consumed with bragging.  About ourselves.  About our kids and their achievements.  And, the article touches on how we use our social media outlets as a means of broadcasting our bragging - and how what once used to be considered outrageous behavior (remember Muhammad Ali's "I am the greatest") now seem like quaint rants compared to the onslaught of comments from celebrities and athletes about how amazing they feel themselves to be.  And, our children watch.  They learn.  They imitate.

I think it is great to be proud of your kids, and their achievements.  I know that I am not alone in feeling my parent-heart swell with pride over things my kids have accomplished.  But, I don't feel comfortable bragging about them to anyone who will listen.  (except those who ask, like grandparents!)  And, I don't want a bumper sticker to drive around bragging about anything my kids have done, either.  I think it sends the wrong message.  Kind of like "look what I have that you wish you had nanny-nanny-boo-boo".  I want to teach my kids about humility because it is much more pleasant to be around another person who is humble.  How can we teach our kids this character trait?

Maybe by planning for failure.  Allowing it to happen.  No one likes it, and it is oh so difficult to watch happen to those you love most.  Especially your children.  But, I think that as parents we need to allow for it, and even plan for it as uncomfortable as it may be for us.

We are creating a generation that is so self-centered they can't handle failure.  They have been given so many awards and trophies for every minor achievement that the sheer number of the silly things creates a monument to how puffed with pride our children have become.  We are so busy being proud of every little thing that the more important things get lost.  Important things like honesty, integrity, character.  Losing those traits is not a good thing.  

What would happen if parents would become as concerned with their children's behavior towards others and their teachers in school as they are about their grades?  Can you imagine the parent/teacher conference:  

Teacher:  Your student has a 92%.  

Parent:  That's nice, are they treating others with respect in class?  Are there any prideful behaviors that we need to address?  

Teacher:  *stunned blinking*

We as parents need to, and SHOULD, instill humility in our children.  Allowing them to fail fosters this by nature.  Teaching them through these errors and failure helps both the child and the parent grow.  Maybe instead of letting your child win at every board game, you teach them the skills of the game and how to improve.  We get so worried about hurting their feelings by allowing them to fail, that we run the risk of creating a monster that can't accept defeat.  A monster with the attitude that "I am so much better than you" and a self-esteem that must be fed.  Then we feed that monster more insignificant trophies, medals, and frivolous awards - because no one is a loser, right?

That self-esteem monster laughs at the notion of humility.  It is too busy bragging about itself!  I would like to share a quote from Dr. Laura Schlessinger:  "Self-esteem does not come from winning.  Self-esteem comes from being proud of yourself:  your courage, compassion, and tenacity. …children build greater self-esteem when they learn to lose with grace than when they win." 

So, as parents instead of being obsessed with bragging rights for winning some sporting event, we need to start focusing about the character within our children.  Tell them when you are proud of what they have done that shows integrity.  Or, reward them for doing the right thing - even when it is difficult.  Or, when they are on the losing team - honor true sportsmanship.  And, again, should they be on the winning team - teach them to win with humility.  It will be more fun for everyone in the long run.  And, we are all here for the long run.