Another Issue? CANCEL my SUBSCRIPTION!

One quick look through your local check-out stand, and you will be inundated by all the magazine issues to select from. Some are issues I would pick up and look at, while others would embarrass me to no end if they were seen lying on my coffee table. Much like our personal issues. We all have our own issues, right? Control issues, anger issues, insecurity issues, the list goes on… some days longer than others, some days we’ll display them, others we’ll not? Well, cancel my subscription, I don’t want any more issues!

The issue that I battle daily for myself, and also alongside of my teens, is BODY IMAGE.  I’m going to address the female side of it, because that is where my experience lies, but I know that the image issues are there for the males, too.

I have had body image issues for as long as I can remember.  Some of my earliest memories are of being told, “don’t eat that it will make you fatter”, and “don’t wear that, it just isn’t flattering for your shape”.  Those messages coupled with my love of chocolate and sugar were a volatile mix. The confusion was intensified by those who wanted me to know that they loved me by giving me MORE chocolate and sugar! That created a battle ground for a mental war I fight each and every day now.

I felt like I was ALWAYS the fattest girl. In grade school, in junior high, in high school.  In case you didn’t know, girls can be mean – and once they sense a weakness, they can tear you apart. My memories of high school include some really painful words that were said regarding my weight. And, sadly, as I look back at pictures of me from then, I wasn’t fat at all. As I went off to college, got married, and had babies the weight crept up on me. I felt like the fattest mom, or the biggest woman in the room. I tried not to dwell on the weight issue, but there were days were I was pretty down on myself.

Source

Actually, in our culture us women are set up for a constant battle with our body image.  Magazine covers scream at us to “lose 10 pounds by the weekend”, along with “best cookie recipes ever”.  Often times on the same cover!  The models used in most
advertising are so thin they could hardly be considered healthy. And the multiple diet programs and methods fill at least a full aisle at the book stores.  We are bombarded with mixed messages. Then, add in the constant push to be sexy – or hot – in order to have everyone admire you.  Heavens, even the clothing for toddlers is getting sexy!  (does that really need to happen?) We are a walking time bomb of insecure emotions waiting to explode.

So, how does a woman who is battling that insecurity herself help her own teenage daughters?  Here are a few tips:

1)  Practice the positive.

It has been proven that the more a person employs negative thinking the more trained the brain becomes in using that pathway. But, if you replace the negative with positive, then the pathways to the positive become the stronger route. I catch myself thinking in my head things that if I heard someone saying the same things to one of my daughters, I would be demanding an apology from them. Ugly things! I have to stop that and replace it with something positive.  That doesn’t mean that a person walks around all “Suzie Sunshine” all day long – that isn’t realistic. Just be aware of the negative thoughts, and don’t let them take control.  I don’t let my girls talk badly about themselves either. When I hear them complaining about what they look like I point out the hazards of that type of thinking, and reassure them that they are loved regardless of what they think they look like. I want them to know that character on the INSIDE matters more.

2) Make healthy choices.

Establish healthy habits for a lifetime. Get enough sleep.  Eat fresh foods that are minimally processed. Drink plenty of water. Get up and move – don’t just sit around. Spend some time outside if you can for the benefits of sunshine. Weigh yourself regularly. If your weight is something you want to work with, start to pay attention to what the calorie counts are for the foods you find yourself eating. It is MUCH easier to simply not put in the calories than it is to work the calories off after you have eaten them. The healthy choices you make put YOU in control. I agree with the person who said, “When you make bad choices, bad things happen. When you make good choices bad things are LESS LIKELY to happen.”

3) Emphasize healthy things with your children, but remember to relax!

I try hard to not make a food “the forbidden item” at our house. In my own world, as soon as any food is on the list of “not allowed”, that only makes me want it all the more. When we, as moms, obsess on something (eat more vegetables – don’t eat sugar) we model that for our girls/children. The more obsessed and strict we become with our self-imposed rules, the more our authority becomes overbearing. And, most kids will rebel against any authority at some point in their growing up years. Pick your battles on this one. I have done a lot of research on various food topics, and try to keep myself educated on the best health choices regarding foods. That being said, we still have candy, or baked goods, or whatever junk that happens to be on the “you should never eat this” list. But in moderation.

4) Train your daughters that dressing to be “cute/pretty” is MUCH different than dressing to be “sexy/hot”.

The results are different, too. What you package yourself in sends a message to the world. Let the world know that you are more than a pair of boobs jiggling in a tight shirt, or a nice, tight a__. Why do we want to be known for that, anyway? I could write a whole blog on this topic alone, but if we would stop buying the clothes that are too tight, too low, too short, and too revealing, the manufactures would stop making them. Money talks. It IS possible to get dressed without showing the world your cleavage (bust or derriere), your midriff, or your muffin top. Respect yourself in regards to what image you want to broadcast to the world.  Modesty begins with training at home, and daughters will look to moms on this one.
What image are you putting out there for the world? (and as a mother of a son, I appreciate the women who don’t flaunt all that they have for my son to be tempted to look at!)

5) You are more than the number on a label or a scale.

One of my daughters was convinced a couple of years ago that she was fat. I talked and talked to her about it.  At her yearly physical, I asked the doctor to talk to her at length regarding the issue.  He pointed out the ratio of height and weight on the chart, and showed her that she was exactly where she needed to be for her age. She thought that since her pant size was bigger than her (very tall and super-skinny) friend, she must be fat. NOT THE CASE!! While she wouldn’t listen to me, she would believe the doctor. She was MORE than a number on her pants label. Now, I find myself dealing with this same struggle. My husband and I worked together to change our eating habits, and each lost 85 pounds. (Hooray!!) I am paranoid that the weight will come back if I am not diligent. Plus, it feels like everyone is watching and waiting for the pounds to come back. So, when the number on the scale goes up for me – I can have a downward spiral of emotions. I have to remember that I am more than a number! (then go back to the items under number 2 above and see where I need to make changes)

6) Having a relationship with God helps in so many ways.

He created all things, and He created them beautifully. We judge things by what we see on the outside because of our humanness, but God knows what is in the heart. That isn’t a license to sit around turning into a pile of neurotic blubber – we have to strive to make healthy choices for our bodies, minds, and spirits. Lysa TerKeurst wrote a fabulous study, “Made to Crave” that helps deal with a negative body image from a biblical point of view. The study is thought provoking, but also entertaining, and I would recommend it for anyone who is struggling and seeking advice on the topic. Incidentally, it would
work for moms and daughters to do together.

So, that’s my short list of suggestions. I certainly don’t have all the answers. And, I assuredly don’t have the secret to success. I am being honest with you for what works for me. And, as I told you – I have to remember these things daily – just like Alice in
Wonderland, “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it” – ha! We are all a work in progress. Just be mindful of what issues you subscribe to, or leave lying around on the coffee table for others to read.