Compliments and Criticisms

My love language is encouragement from others. When people give me positive feedback, I feel ready to tackle the next big job. And, just like others - what I like to get is what I like to give. So, encouraging others comes pretty naturally for me. I look for something positive in most every situation, and then try to focus on that for finding ways to encourage someone.

That can be dangerous. I want my words to be truthful, and to have power. But, in order for that to happen I can't just throw out false compliments, and drip sugary sweetness over everything with my words. Words mean things. Words impact others. And, overuse of words when they are not sincere and grounded in truth and love tend to make the words lose their luster. Even children can see through a false compliment. We can create a need in our children to always have praise, even when they know they haven't earned it, by giving too much false "you are so wonderful and amazing" when a simple "good job", or even "thank you" would suffice. Like any drug, they can't get enough of the "buzz", and with the overuse, they need more to get the same good feelings.

But, I think as adults we start to get pretty cynical about how others see us, and how we see ourselves. I read a funny snippet online about how we compare ourselves with our "bloopers" reel while we continue to watch everyone else's "highlights" reel over and over in our minds. Funny, but true. We can obsess on our failures to the point that when someone gives us a few words of praise we brush it off, or even find fault with ourselves as we listen to the encouragement. Things like, "oh, I wish I had done better - but, thanks, anyway" - or "you liked that? I thought it was awful". Haven't we all been guilty of those comments? We wouldn't let our best friends, or our children be talked to like that - but, we will talk to ourselves like that often. Grrrr....

But, as I was winding down last night and getting ready for bed, I read something that got my brain to thinking about all of this. (thus this post!) These words are from Lysa TerKeurst: "Don't let people's compliments go to your head, and don't let their criticisms go to your heart. The degree to which you do either of these things is the degree to which you'll be ruled by what other people think of you." Read it again, and let it sink in deeper. It is a good truth!

Yes, I love to have people encourage me. To compliment my cooking, or give positive feedback on a bible study - love it! But, in the same vein... as much as the positive can brighten my day, the smallest criticism can send me into all sorts of self-doubt and insecurity. I need to stop that. Even my own unfounded harsh criticisms of myself. Too much of either one isn't good. Sincerity, and honesty. Encouragement with integrity. That's the goal today!

The opinion that truly counts is God's. He loves me, and He loves you. And He already knows all our junk!