When I am with people, I love to laugh and talk and share stories. I don't have a problem opening up with others. If you want to know something, I am nearly always willing to share the information. (be sure not to ask questions that you don't want answers for - ha!) I seldom feel threatened/worried that something bad is going to happen to me. I don't triple-check the locks at night. Of course, having firearm training helps with that - but, that's another blog post. What I see myself struggling with the most is relaxing and relying on other people. I struggle with that. A lot.
I know that people have the best intentions. I know that when people say they are going to do this or that, that they have every intention of doing said things. But, until it is actually done - I can't relax. I just can't give someone full credit that they will do what they say until I see the proof of it completed. In small things it doesn't matter. In the big things - I can get pretty worked up fretting over it. Wondering if the people will show up to volunteer like they said,
or if I will have to scramble to cover a position; knowing that the person who is supposed to bring something in all likelihood will forget; feelings that what people say isn't really what they mean. Does anyone else struggle with trusting others over those type of things?
When I was working on losing my weight, I had to trust in following the rules of the program. There were weeks when I had done everything that I was supposed to do, but the scale would not reflect as much loss as I wanted to see. My trust was shaken. I had to keep practicing the rules, and trust that the results would follow when everything in me wanted to throw a tantrum and quit because I didn't feel like I could trust it to work anymore. It can be so difficult to trust when I don't get the immediate results that I want.
And, then I have to evaluate myself. Is AMY trustworthy? How many times have I let someone else down by not doing what I had signed up to do? Or bring? Or not letting my words speak with integrity. Hmmm... I don't want to think about that because it is too convicting. Ouch!
Am I being a trustworthy parent? Do I create feelings of trust and security in my children? How can I improve there? What about my friendships? Am I being a person worthy of trust from others in what I say and do? I know I want to be. But, am I? We hear stories all around us from others who have been on the receiving end of broken trust. But, are we doing all we can to build trust up in each other? Do we help each other through encouragement - or grumble and shrug it off? I want to be able to trust others - but, I know I will continue to proceed with caution. I suppose I should also work at being a person that others can fully trust. Making sure that the things I say and do show others that I can be trusted.
Then there is God. Has God ever let me down? My quick answer there is "yes". He has. At least that is what I have felt initially in some areas of my life - in the moment. But, when I move past the feelings of broken trust, and look back with 20/20 vision - THEN I can see that God didn't break my trust. He actually had something better planned, and I was missing it before. I let my hurt, and pain overshadow the fact that I can trust Him. He has my best interest in His plans at all times. That's difficult to fully comprehend because as humans we can get caught up in our own agendas. We look out for ourselves REALLY well, and then with any leftover time think about others. God is God. He only looks out for us and what is best for us. We can trust that. Oh that we would fully embrace that! There are many references for "trust" in the bible. Today I like this one:
Psalm 19:7
The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statues of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
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